April 11, 2003 -

woke up this morning with a desire to sleep for eva.. slapped some water on my face and spun some joni vinyl - "i am a women of heart and mind" that she is.. recalled the event of last night with a range of fury to acceptance to confusion.. take back the night took place at our college, cold as it was i dressed up in drag and braved the glares of the gathering women on douglass campus.. not a mode of mocking, i was there to show my support and hold my m's hand as she had decided this was gonna be the year she spoke... uncomfortable images of lynching flew past my minds eye and made me squirm in all sorts of ways praying for darkness to fall and mask my gender.. then i get a girl in my face asking me what my deal is.. this girl who was my neighbor freshman year in the alternative dorm and became close friends with suds during her time in america called me out and needed a reason for my attendance.. i simply told her i was there for suds because she couldn't be. well she acted like she didnt know what i was talking about and told me this was a safe space created for women my presence creates a threat to that space.. i put no defense up, simply apologized and walked away my head hung low.. told the eff home felt really dumb for my attempt..

fast foward an hour to the assembly where men can meet up and show their support, finally.. watched girl after girl shed their tears and call out the sexual terrorists who assulted their bodies once, twice, three-thousand and forty-six times.. making me hate my penis and the men who use it with force.. i hugged and clapped and cheered and cried and even did a chant to kali and i still felt upset at the way the night started out.. had this girl known on my radio show that same morning i had only played women singers/songwriters/bands and announced the march every time i talked she might have acted differently. i feel i must write an article to the school paper explaining that without letting men march they are further isolating themselves from society and pushing away the supporters because of gender.. i can argue this in all directions and can get sad and angry but i have too much shit to worry about and my heart will always be with these victims of sexual/domestic/verbal abuse whether they be female or male!!!!